Our sweet angel of a son is now four years old. To say that I am handling this beautifully would be a lie. There are moments when I am very relaxed about how quickly he is growing and changing. There are some other moments when I am fast-forwarding in my mind to when he will leave our home to forge his own path. Most of time, I am constantly reminiscing about when he was smaller, about when he learned some new skill or discovered something new, about when he became more independent. Every day, he is becoming his own person.
Becoming a mother - Hudson's mother - has changed me in ways I could have never anticipated. I am extremely guarded person, someone who has trouble sharing their vulnerable core. I have been this way for most of my life, only showing my tender side to those who have earned that trust. From the moment that I knew he existed, I felt my hard shell soften. My love and admiration for my son is completely unguarded. I show that to whomever will listen, I shower him with affection and attention, I live for his happiness and well-being. Unlike most parts of myself, the emotion and truth of my feelings about Hudson are unfiltered and unwavering. And it comes easily. It surprises me constantly.
Walk with me down memory lane and humor this embarrassingly sentimental mother for a moment. I could attempt to share the thousands of pictures we have taken of Hudson, but I selected just a few (I promise). Looking back on his first year of life gives me perspective on my journey as a mother and human being. Each year with Hudson is important, and each results in growth. But nothing broke me out of my comfort zone more than the first year.
Some advice from Hudson, in his fourth year: Sounds effects are important and need to be used. One more hug and kiss, always. Chocolate milk is king. Say no when you mean it. Tell people they are the best and they will prove you right.